the ant

The ant crawls onto my hand. I watch it curiously, distracted by this sudden intruder and enjoying the slightly ticklish sensation as it strolls across my skin. Walking to the back of my hand, the ant pauses.

On a usual day, I would have flicked the ant away unthinkingly.

Standing on its two hind legs, the ant stretches out its front legs and starts to clean itself, with its antenna waving in the air. I guess it feels safe.

Such small pleasures are littered everywhere. Take for example, the smell of a flower, the coldness of ice cream as it slips down your throat, the ever-changing form of cigarette smoke, the warmth of sunshine, the coolness of a breeze and the tenderness of a touch. They're life's tiny joys that deserve more attention than they're getting.

And I flick the ant away, returning to my reading.

thank you

Today, I received the biggest rose ever in my 26 years. It was a shock. Thank you, my sweet cousin. :) You've made my day.

OK, damn, thank you for the photo of yourself as well.

~~

I like this photo of chaptain. One of the few ones in which he doesn't look melancholic. Maybe it's because he's eating here.

~~

Exams and essays always make me feel guilty. Many times, I'll skip meals and study/write till morning. And it is family members like my parents, or close friends like angie, who buy me food, drive me to school, nag me to sleep or drop me a text just to check on me. And I realise, I have a lot to be grateful for.

These are the people who keep me grounded despite my lack of discipline, short attention span and last minute preparation for almost everything. And I still don't do enough for them. Not enough.

being conscious

Once in a while, you get those moments in which everything seems strange. And now, sitting at my messy workspace, with cds, books and papers strewn all over, a JVC radio at my side, an electric guitar on the floor and a small, dark-colored lizard in the kitchen, I feel that way.

You feel... contingent, struck by a sudden realization of your own mortality, which is something you know all along but never feel much about. You sense everything in this room around you is disappearing moment by moment, and that one day, that cunning time will steal whatever you take for granted now right under your nose. It's that feeling that you're small, very small, pulled by invisible strings and living in a massive world where several major and very important events are going on as you draw your next breath.

Maybe it's reading Ulrich Becks that is making me feel this way. His talk of rethinking modernity and globalization is a little too incomprehensible for a girl who lives in a cramped HDB flat, struggles desperately to write and understand, and exploits hardworking taxpayers' money by trying to study.

It's that state of not understanding that throws you into a heightened state of consciousness about the inconsequentiality of your understanding.

But I must say, these intellectuals... They impress.

wallpaper

I should be taking part in a student photo exhibition.

Will try to print my stuff and send it over soon.

I'm just an amatuer, but if you wanna drop by Objectifs on April 17, 730pm, great.

It's the opening. :)

The show is till May 16.

night shift

Just came back fr prata with angie. Awesome is that mini drum beat gadget she brought with her.

Late night suppers, conversations, cruising and singing along (maybe horribly, but who cares) to the song set on play. I love moments like these.

Jordin Sparks - Tattoo
No matter what you say about love
I keep coming back for more
Keep my hand in the fire
Sooner or later, I'll get what I'm asking for

No matter what you say about life
I learn every time I bleed
That truth is a stranger
Soul is in danger, I gotta let my spirit be free

To admit that I'm wrong
And then change my mind
Sorry but I have to move on
And leave you behind

I can't waste time so give it a moment
I realize, nothing's broken
No need to worry 'bout everything I've done
Live every second like it was my last one


lalala......................