It was only a few minutes after we parted ways, and as an afterthought, that I realized how significant waiting is.
Waiting, I think, is doing nothing meaningfully.
The “nothing” in my previous sentence refers to all the things we do while waiting, but which appears naught in the face of waiting. Say, you are on your bed, with a big, silly grin on your face because you just got the number of a guy you are interested in. After moments of anxiety and inner dilemma, with his face etched in your mind, you drop him an sms.
Then, you wait. (Slowly realizing in horror the wait is more nerve-wrecking than your decision to text.)
You look at your phone blankly or stare into open space. You may even try to distract yourself by reading or working. But he is always, and persistently, at the back of your head. The activities you are engaged in lose importance, becoming nothing next to what you’re really doing. Which is waiting for his (goddamn) reply.
Despite this slippage of what you’re doing into meaninglessness, this state of being is also made meaningful because of the wait. Every minute that passes by means something. If he replies almost immediately, you wonder if it’s a sign of interest. If he doesn’t, you question if he finds you an irritant. Either way, waiting has meaning.
More complicated and longer-term examples include waiting for a new job, waiting for a holiday, waiting for brighter prospects, waiting for the right time, waiting for opportunities, waiting to be rich, waiting for the right one and waiting to be happy. We wait, and we wait and we wait some more.
Perhaps, waiting is inevitable in life. And if – as I have argued – waiting is doing nothing meaningfully, we shouldn’t keep looking at the future.
Because if we wait too long, we’ll never live in the now.
4 comments:
and you reminded me to live in the moment, to live - now.
life's too hasty, far too hasty.
and it's funny while we are seeking answers, we want it right at the exact moment and certainty, that we forgot to immerse ourselves in the seeking and waiting.
:)
-eloera/yanghui.
yeah, life's too hasty. i love the times when we can do nothing and be absolutely contented. don't u? :)
no rushing, no cares abt what's coming up next. just immersed in the moment.
you are right too in that a lot of times, we want instant gratification/answers.
because waiting can be painful. e more we are used to a fast paced life, the more painful waiting gets.
still, i am frankly not very sure if most of us wait too much, or we don't wait enough! ha!
to be brutally honest, i dont know about you,but i think i grew up in a environment where nothing can and should go wrong.
i am like a control freak. hah. i am like my mom.
not pointing those fingers at anyone.but there are times i wish that people around me, or perhaps myself, can allow for an alternative outcome and embrace it.
you know, like look at it and say, it wouldnt be too bad or there's a reason for everything?
hah.
and charles baudelaire! my favourite poet!
yes, there is this prevalent fear of making "mistakes." tts how i feel about singapore in general actually, not just our family in particular. it can get a little suffocating. eg. the pressure to do the "right" thing at the "right" age, to "succeed" in a particular way. sometimes i wonder, what if?
i guess just do whatever you want as long as it doesnt harm, and be urself (cliche tt may sound...)
what is commonly accepted as reason can't account for everything, and there are anyway, many ways of reasoning too.
just bought baudelaire's paris spleen! show u next time!
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