adam's curse

We sat grown quiet at the name of love;
We saw the last embers of daylight die,
And in the trembling blue-green of the sky
A moon, worn as if it had been a shell
Washed by time's waters as they rose and fell
About the stars and broke in days and years.

I had a thought for no one's but your ears:
That you were beautiful, and that I strove
To love you in the old high way of love;
That it had all seemed happy, and yet we'd grown
As weary-hearted as that hollow moon.

- w.b. yeats

reminiscence

We all revisit chapters of our lives once in a while. Perhaps you too, like me, in one of those quiet nights, wonder about past lovers. How is he now? What is he busy with? Should I get in touch with him again? Or even, why the hell did I get involved with him in the first place?

The night then turns into a haunting one, marked by ghosts of decisions you’ve made, words you’ve said and things you’ve done. Events unfold in your mind, like how one paragraph informs another, and how one sentence leads to the next.

You may reproach yourself, admit you’ve blundered horribly in your quest for perfection, and brood over what are now interpreted as “regrets.” Before trying to console yourself with clichés such as “we all make mistakes.”

When the memories get too uncomfortable, you try to shut them out, convinced that certain chapters of your life are best not revisited for now.

The quiet night gets quieter. Seconds ticks by. Life feels like a book that can’t be put down. You can only keep on reading.

And sometimes, there’s really nothing else left to do but flip the page.

zouk

The world spins as you spin, beginning its transformation into a cacophony of senseless colors and lights. You wonder at the bodies moving on the dance floor, the bodies emptying their glasses, and the bodies uncertain of what to do. The alcohol hits you harder. Harder, as time flees, slipping out of your grasp and like an old photograph, gets forgotten. Distinctions melt to the pounding music, as distances get reduced, and the bodies dissolve into one.

Then, you see nothing.

Except for colors and lights. Still colliding into one another.