breakfast and arguments

My dad prepares the same breakfast almost everyday. And he sure has a way to make me eat. Even though I protest all the time.

That morning, I was adamant I would not stuff any of his cooking into my mouth.

"I don't want to eat."

He kept quiet.

"I don't want to eat." I said again, louder this time. "Can't you give me a break?" I have to eat the same breakfast for nearly 365 days a year. Even civil servants have 21 or 28 days of leave a year.

Still silent. I began to suspect I've made him angry.

I headed to the kitchen to stare at a plate of potatoes and broccoli, slightly guilty. I knew my dad went to some lengths to make breakfast.

"Don't finish it if you don’t want to. Just eat the potatoes." He appeared at the kitchen’s door.

"Most of it are potatoes. But okay." I did as told. The broccoli looked lonely without the potatoes, so I just ate them as well, not wanting to waste more energy arguing with my dad. I was running late.

There were still a tomato and a suspicious and dangerous-looking mixture of egg and cereal left.

"Eat the tomato. Leave the rest to me."

"What? No! The tomato is so big! I will be finishing everything!"

My dad started talking about how he cut the tomato to make it resemble a flower and how that one tomato costed two dollars.

I pointed out how the tomato seeds looked like the centre of a flower, joining in the fun. And took a bite of the tomato.

"You’re ruining the 'flower' by taking a bite at a time. Put the whole thing into your mouth."

"Everything looks the same when it comes out anyway." I grumbled, but ate the whole tomato.

And while I was eating, he went out of the house. Leaving me with the egg and cereal.

Mean.

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Today, he said, "Help me keep the bread."

I put it into my bag. And forgot to give him back.

It became my lunch.

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I was complaining about breakfast one day when my dad sighed and said, "I'm very frustrated. I have a wife who is diagnosed with cancer and eats too much unhealthy stuff, a daughter who refuses to eat anything, and a dog with heart problems and which eats everything."

This coming from a man who thinks he looks like Bruce Lee. Call me unsympathetic, but I laughed like crazy. You have to agree it was a good summary of his situation.

jack and jill went up the hill

Here's an adaptation of the classic Jack and Jill that I found at Facebook:

cute.

a sign in grad rm:

there's no present. because once you think/say it, it has already slipped into the past.

there's no everyday. because its very definition presupposes a whole which can never be grasped - we can only perceive it in moments.

taken this way, both the present and the everyday are illusionary concepts we live by, and perhaps, can't live without.

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the "me" and the "i" - george herbert mead

the self is made up of "I" and "me". the "I" is the part of the self that emerges out of the process of social interaction. it is that which is revealed when an interaction is taking place. [eg. when you talk to someone, you don't form sentences in your mind before you speak (assuming you're familiar with the language), you just speak. tt's where freudian slips, saying the wrong things, making mistakes in pronouciations etc come in.]

the "me" is the social self. it is the reflexive part of the self which reflects on the actions of "I" and others on hindsight.

considering the spontaneity of the "I", there is always a certain amount of risk and unpredictability involved in social interactions. things can go wrong, takes a different direction than what you intended, or just, become more exciting.


http://psychclassics.yorku.ca/Mead/socialself.htm
http://www.utm.edu/research/iep/m/mead.htm#SH3c


wah lau eh.
so much i need to catch up on/learn.

It's the lunar new year, and like every other year, it comes with the obligatory temple visits with relatives. Today, that ritual is reenacted at a temple at Boon Lay.

Sitting on a wooden bench waiting, I wonder why people pray or burn joss sticks, papers etc. In that religious space, these objects embody prayers, thanks and hopes, setting themselves between the worldly and the divine.

Pardon my imprudence. But I bet most devotees are requesting the deities for something when they stick their incense into the ash. The whole scenario seems to me, at its very core, to be an exchange relationship. Even if it is one imagined in the minds of people.

Isn't god all-loving? In that case, he doesn't need reminders to do good. Who knows, he probably find all the smoke because of the burning a little too uneco-friendly for his taste. Isn't god giving? Then he doesn't need anything in return. Isn't god all-knowing? Surely, he should know what we need without us asking.

I don't know. Only questions and no satisfactory answer. Religion comes accompanied with sets of morality and meanings that I'm uncertain about. But faith - whether in god or in religion (yes, I think they are different) - is itself blind.

You simply believe. Or not.

this time, this space

and what are you doing, this very minute?

because then you.

fall out of the system.

"don't sell your time to anyone"

i m out of sorts in too many ways.

a danger i can't resist.

almost open